STRESS BUSTER #7: HANDING IT OVER

OFTEN, EVEN AFTER I’ve sought guidance—and received it—I find myself still micro-managing. I’m like the man who hands God the broom, but then can’t resist telling Him, “Hey. You missed a spot.”

TWELVE-STEPPERS CALL IT, “Letting go and letting God.” It’s the Third Step, and it’s a real crowd thinner. Few things are as difficult for me, especially when I believe I’ve been given the answer I’ve been waiting for. My overwhelming impulse is to run pell-mell down the path to some finish line I’m sure is only a few steps away.

BUT, I’M CONFUSING the goal with the importance of keeping God with me on my journey.

THE QUAKERS HAVE A SAYING that, for me, explains this best, “When you pray, move your feet.” For them, constant prayer brings direction to their lives. It conforms their decisions to God’s will—and they move with confidence, knowing they are headed in the right direction.

I SHOULD PAY BETTER ATTENTION to their methods. I often find myself mentally snatching the broom out of God’s hands and using my tightest voice to say, “Here. Let me show You how to do that!” Oh, I’ve got enough arrogance to shame a Pharisee.

HOW MUCH CALMER MY LIFE would be were I to acknowledge that God will handle the broom when and as He sees fit. And He sweeps clean—just ask an Edomite.

HE KNOWS BETTER and can SEE farther than I can ever hope to. All I have to do is what He asks of me—and then get out of the way!

You’re blessed. Be a blessing!

STRESS BUSTER #6: SEEK GUIDANCE FIRST

SOMETIMES I HAVE PROBLEMS that only God knows the solutions to, but He doesn’t seem ready to divulge them to me. Imagine. I keep looking at my watch and tapping my foot—and the answers are just not forthcoming. He knows I’ve got a schedule to keep, and I need answers. NOW. And who better than He knows just what I need?

NO ONE. And maybe that’s exactly why He’s slow to give me guidance. Perhaps I need to learn patience more than I need to keep my schedule. Maybe I need to remember I’m not the one calling the shots. Maybe the right solution isn’t any of the ones I’ve thought of. Maybe for Him, it’s about reminding me to keep an open mind and a watchful eye.

I’LL ADMIT I DON’T OFTEN HAVE an open mind. I’ve lived a long time. I have opinions. And I’ll admit to not being observant. I’ll even admit to not being attuned to my surroundings, admit to having my brain firmly in daydreams at times.

AS A RESULT, I usually do my own thinking before I ask for help—and just maybe that’s not as good an idea as it seems.

RECENTLY I RECEIVED A LETTER from a family member. A landmark birthday for her daughter is coming up, and she wants mentoring notes from several older, and presumably, wiser women. Well, her request stumped me.

WHAT DO I KNOW that might interest a teenage girl? Never wash new black socks with anything else? Crazy glue really will stick your fingers together? Jammed garbage disposal blades can be freed with a broom handle? Transferring experience is impossible, and transferring knowledge runs a close second.

THOROUGHLY HUMBLED, I finally came up with the most important truths I know, and I wrote them down despite my doubts that they’ll mean anything to her until she’s older:
1. True love is a choice, not a chance
2. When in doubt, choose the kindest route, and
3. Keep God close. Let him solve problems BEFORE you’ve grown sick of them, not after.

BEFORE I THOUGHT about it too hard, I sealed the envelope, and resisted the urge to confess all the difficulty I’ve had following this advice myself.

IT’S DAUNTING, REALLY. If this young woman were to see how impatient I can be with God, she might realize how little I’ve changed since I was her age. And that would be a pity.

PERHAPS—JUST IMAGINE THIS!—God has grown a little impatient with me too. Maybe He’s trying to tell me that my life would be far less stressful if only I would learn to wait, to watch, and to remember Who exactly is in charge of my life.

You’re blessed. Be a blessing!

STRESS BUSTER #5: KEEPING EXPECTATIONS REASONABLE

REASONABLE EXPECTATIONS, to me, are about flexibility. If I already have a picture of how things should turn out, I stand a good chance of being disappointed. How much more fun life is when I’m willing to wait to see what an outcome might be. When I’m willing to be surprised. When I’m willing to hope for the best and plan for the worst.

WHEN I’M WILLING TO DO THIS, I’m not only more flexible . . . I’m also more observant. When I keep an air of expectation, I have an attitude that allows new ideas to flow more easily into my world. An attitude that makes gratitude feel natural, not forced as if it belongs only in that time slot designated for evening prayers. Instead, it runs willy-nilly through the day, leaving a trail of happiness.

FLEXIBILITY INVITES GOD to take a hand in my life. Lets Him decide how to solve a few of the problems I’m tired of dealing with.

I MUST EXTEND REASONABLE EXPECTATIONS to people too. It’s not my place to decide what my spouse or friends should be or do. I don’t get to decide how people treat me. Early in 1776, George Washington declared, “ . . . we must make the best of mankind as they are, since we cannot have them as we wish.” He had every reason to be disappointed in his ragged and undisciplined troops, but he had no time to waste with how things weren’t. He had too much to do. For more than seven years he pursued a job he hadn’t asked for and hadn’t wanted.

WHENEVER I GET UPSET OVER how things are, or, more often, are not, I remember Washington and his faith that the Almighty was in charge. How much more he accomplished with reasonable expectations than I ever have by concentrating on one of those over-the-top results I sometimes expect.

I REALIZE THIS IS ALL CONTRARY to most motivational speeches I’ve heard, but I don’t care. I prefer being surprised by God to anything I can do on my own!

You’re blessed. Be a blessing!

Stress Buster #4: Making Peace

AS MUCH AS I HAVE WISHED at times that I could give the responsibility to someone else, peaceful living begins by making peace with myself.

FOR ME THAT MEANS AVOIDING BEHAVIOR I’ll regret. It means choosing the kindest way to say what I need to—especially when it’s unpleasant. It means using my head to think about the results I want BEFORE I open my mouth.

I ALSO HAVE TO AVOID allowing too many A-1 priorities into my life. When I look at my TO DO LIST and see more than three things marked “urgent,” it’s time to rethink what I’m doing to myself. When I let them, others will prod me into a place that’s too stressful for peace to prevail. I have to stop them. Let THEM lose sleep. I need my beauty rest.

SOMETIMES I NEED TO MAKE peace not just with myself, but FOR myself. For example, when I let people whose priorities don’t match my own upset me, I can calm myself by deciding how much, if any, I’ll let them inconvenience me. I only upset myself by expecting someone else to want what I want as much as I do. And that means I need to circumvent them whenever possible—and it’s usually possible.

ANOTHER BARRIER TO PEACE for me is being around those who love to argue or who have a need to have the last word. In his book, HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE, Dale Carnegie said, “A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.” I find it necessary to repeat this mantra when I’m around some people—but only while there’s no way to avoid them!

CRITICIZING AND COMPLAINING chases peace right out the window. While not particularly uplifting, simply remaining silent or, when possible, mentioning what could be even worse (as in, “We may be shipwrecked, but at least there aren’t any sharks!”) is better than starting a thumb-sucking party. Of course, I try not to be too cheerful if everyone else is being cranky. I don’t want to be thrown out of the party altogether!

THE LAST TRICK—and the one I pull out of my bag most often—is remembering that when I become angry I give away any power I may have over myself or the situation. Irritation is an early warning that I am letting someone I don’t want to to have control over me.

IN THE END, I have to remember who I am and WHOSE I am to remain at peace.

You are blessed. Be a blessing!