STRESS BUSTER #10: MEDITATION

WHEN I RECEIVED THE MORE-THAN-DISAPPOINTING PHONE CALL from the doctor conducting the cancer trial I had been counting on participating in, I was reminded that misfortune is always a call for me to exercise my listening skills. Citing an inadequate white cell count and insufficient lymphocytes, the doctor told me, “this trial won’t help you,” and my heart settled at the bottom of my reservoir of hope.

OKAY, LORD, YOU’VE GOTTEN my attention. Now what?

IT’S EASY AT TIMES LIKE THIS to push prayer into the beseeching camp—far away from the listening-and-observing mode. After all, begging feels so natural.

BUT, UNNATURAL OR NOT, listening-and-observing, which is how I think of meditation, is vital in my relationship with God. He is not to be confused with Santa. The lens of gratitude must be focused on a still, serene place to recognize His guidance.

BUT, HOW DO I FIND THAT PLACE? I’m not one to repeat a rosary long enough to empty my mind, and folding myself with a hum into a lotus position only makes me feel ridiculous. Everyone has to find the way that works for him or her. Mine is with a fountain pen.

MY PRAYER JOURNAL hears my Job-like complaints and eventually helps me overcome my distrust and doubts. Days of writing may pass before I find in the splotchy pages the answer God has been trying to get me to hear. He speaks so softly, and my life—especially when I’m afraid—is SO noisy.

AND HOW DO I KNOW I’m hearing God and not just my own wishes magnified by a narcissistic angle?

I BEGIN BY ASKING that I be able to set aside what I’m SURE of and what I WANT so that I might hear what I don’t know and what I’m meant to do. Thus far, the answers I’ve received bear no semblance to what I’ve hoped for; haven’t seemed possible; and have taken me so far along the unfrequented path that many of my friends and family have had to learn to tolerate my nuttiness. (Oh, yes, I once was a conventional woman! I often long for the days when I didn’t raise eyebrows.)

BUT, I HAVE NO DOUBT this is path I’m supposed to be on.

AND NOW, AS I PROCESS this bit of bad news from the doctor whose research I fully support, even if I can’t participate, I know that if I will listen carefully and meditate with my heart and not with my own understanding, a new route will be revealed.

IN THE MEANWHILE, with God’s help, I will keep fear—that old enemy of healing—at a safe distance and remind myself that I am—just like all of us—well loved.

GOD WANTS ONLY THE BEST FOR ME. My job is to pay attention when He tells me exactly what that is.

You’re blessed. Be a blessing!

STRESS BUSTER #9: GETTING OFF THE FENCE

ON A RECENT VISIT TO LONDON, I found myself on Oxford Street in the presence of two evangelists on opposing sidewalks whose microphones were assaulting the ears of window shoppers with questions of salvation. My first impulse was to bolt. I ducked into a shoe store, wondering how Christianity promulgated with such a heavy does of fear could possibly attract anyone.

I BEGAN TO THINK of all the times I have remained silent about my faith when the right words might have opened a conversation that God would continue. The two men who thrust their microphones into the faces of passers-by probably weren’t plagued with such regret. They were clear in their beliefs and forthright in their message.

WHEN BILLY GRAHAM last came to Dallas, I went to hear him. I wouldn’t have gone had I not been invited by friends. As much as I’d always wanted to hear him, it was the invitation that motivated me to go. And, as a result, for the first time in my life I left my complacent fence-sitting position and proclaimed my faith to strangers. It was the initial step on a journey I mean to continue.

SO, IN A TIME WHEN CHRISTIAN-BASHING has come into vogue, I make no apology for what I believe. And I feel free of that wishy-washiness that in the past has kept me from standing up to be counted.

SOMETIMES FRIENDS who don’t understand this change in me worry that their doubts and concerns about their own faith will undermine mine. They needn’t worry.

MAYBE THE UNEXAMINED LIFE isn’t worth living, but, on the other hand, the OVER-examined life is not lived fully. There’s a point when our own thinking processes—no matter how brilliant—will never yield answers to all our questions and doubts. Some things must be accepted. In faith.

THE MISSIONARIES IN LONDON know that. And I do too. Even if I don’t use a microphone.

You’re blessed. Be a blessing!

STRESS BUSTER #8: ENLISTING IN GOOD CAUSES

THE RENOVARÉ SPIRITUAL FORMATION BIBLE (NRSV) points out that following the path of God does not guarantee that life will be free of pain and hardship, but rejecting His way is a sure recipe for ruin. George Mason of the Wilshire Baptist Church ruefully refers to this as a desire for a “Witness Protection Program.”

I’M REMINDED OF THIS while initialing the many disclosure pages of what for me will be a third cancer trial. How I’d love the dots between faithfulness and the outcome I want for this trial to be so neatly connected that I know I’m doing the right thing. This is not the time for an impulse decision. The road ahead will not be smooth . . . and there are no assurances.

THE BOOK OF JOB REMINDS ME that this is just the way life in the faith is. A good dose of prayer and meditation has convinced me that this challenge to the disease I share with so many others—none of us willingly—is one I need to undertake. I sign my name on the last page. God has not promised me an easy way. He’s promised that I won’t be alone, and, He’s promised that irrespective of the outcome of what I’m about to do, I will be saved.

ALONG THE WAY, IF A CURE FOR MELANOMA can be found, or if the mysteries of the immune system can be further unlocked, so much the better. If not, I haven’t lost. I’m a winner either way.

DON’T GET ME WRONG. I’ll admit to a selfish nature. I’ll admit I’d like to be well.

BUT, I ALSO HAVE A FULFILLMENT AND PEACE I can’t explain from enlisting in what I believe is the right thing. Too bad I haven’t signed up for more good causes than I have before now.

You’re blessed. Be a blessing!