Cancer Has a Lesson Plan Too
THROUGH THIS CANCER PHASE of my life, I have discovered what I wish I'd been smart enough to learn when I was twenty.
FOR THE FIRST YEAR of my illness, I grieved for all the things cancer had deprived me of: the food and drink I’d enjoyed, the energy I’d used to carve a spot in my profession, the hectic schedule I’d filled every moment with, the leisure activities I was no longer strong enough to enjoy.
I LEFT THE SCHEDULES and patterns of a life filled with alternatives I thought I controlled and entered, instead, a world where my only choices were to do what I could—or give up. And if I fought the good fight, would what remained of my life be purposeful? Or would my illness leave me with only enough strength to mark time until it overtook me?
BUT I FOUND INSTEAD that cancer provided answers—flares of wisdom in an otherwise dark abyss of unanswered questions.
IF I RECOVER from this—or if I don’t—I will do what God directs me to do. A simple answer that I’m sure I will find challenging enough to last me a lifetime, no matter how long that may be.
WE ARE CALLED BY A GOD who doesn’t barge into our lives uninvited. If we don’t pay attention to Him, He falls into the background of our busy lives. We must bring ourselves to Him. To quote Joan Chittister, a modern Benedictine, “We are part of a holy universe, not it’s creators and not its rulers. . . In fact, everything that happens is God’s call to us either to accept what we should not change or to change what we should not accept. . .” [from her book, How Can I Find God?]
LIFE IS ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS, not achievements. No matter how rocky, no matter how tenuous, relationships form the stepping stones to the meaning of life. When I die my heirs will keep the photographs and throw away all my plaques and certificates. They’ll remember me, not what I did.
THE ONLY WAY TO SHOW who and what I love is with time. I love you is cheap, true service and focused attention may eat into my day, but they are the only effective way to communicate my affection.
FOR MY OWN SAKE, I must forgive as many times as I have to. Forgiveness burns me up if I don’t give it freely, but I shouldn’t expect the person I’m forgiving to behave any differently. Forgiveness has no strings. On the other hand, trust can’t be given, it can only be earned.
EACH DAY MUST BE LIVED as though it were my last. It took me a while to settle down enough after my diagnosis to come to what this means. No cross words can be left dangling, no unfortunate moments can be left unresolved. I love you, must be my parting words—especially if the relationship is long distance.
AND THE MOST IMPORTANT THING? God loves each of us as though we were His only child. I had to discover for myself what that meant, and now I do my best to show courtesy and respect to everyone I deal with. For they too are precious only children.
I DON’T THINK MY WAY of approaching cancer is the right way for someone else. It might be. It might not be. That’s not the point. For me, sharing is the point.
I BELIEVE WE READ so that we will not feel alone, and I believe I write to find the readers who need to know they are not alone. Ever.
You are blessed. Be a blessing.
FOR THE FIRST YEAR of my illness, I grieved for all the things cancer had deprived me of: the food and drink I’d enjoyed, the energy I’d used to carve a spot in my profession, the hectic schedule I’d filled every moment with, the leisure activities I was no longer strong enough to enjoy.
I LEFT THE SCHEDULES and patterns of a life filled with alternatives I thought I controlled and entered, instead, a world where my only choices were to do what I could—or give up. And if I fought the good fight, would what remained of my life be purposeful? Or would my illness leave me with only enough strength to mark time until it overtook me?
BUT I FOUND INSTEAD that cancer provided answers—flares of wisdom in an otherwise dark abyss of unanswered questions.
IF I RECOVER from this—or if I don’t—I will do what God directs me to do. A simple answer that I’m sure I will find challenging enough to last me a lifetime, no matter how long that may be.
WE ARE CALLED BY A GOD who doesn’t barge into our lives uninvited. If we don’t pay attention to Him, He falls into the background of our busy lives. We must bring ourselves to Him. To quote Joan Chittister, a modern Benedictine, “We are part of a holy universe, not it’s creators and not its rulers. . . In fact, everything that happens is God’s call to us either to accept what we should not change or to change what we should not accept. . .” [from her book, How Can I Find God?]
LIFE IS ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS, not achievements. No matter how rocky, no matter how tenuous, relationships form the stepping stones to the meaning of life. When I die my heirs will keep the photographs and throw away all my plaques and certificates. They’ll remember me, not what I did.
THE ONLY WAY TO SHOW who and what I love is with time. I love you is cheap, true service and focused attention may eat into my day, but they are the only effective way to communicate my affection.
FOR MY OWN SAKE, I must forgive as many times as I have to. Forgiveness burns me up if I don’t give it freely, but I shouldn’t expect the person I’m forgiving to behave any differently. Forgiveness has no strings. On the other hand, trust can’t be given, it can only be earned.
EACH DAY MUST BE LIVED as though it were my last. It took me a while to settle down enough after my diagnosis to come to what this means. No cross words can be left dangling, no unfortunate moments can be left unresolved. I love you, must be my parting words—especially if the relationship is long distance.
AND THE MOST IMPORTANT THING? God loves each of us as though we were His only child. I had to discover for myself what that meant, and now I do my best to show courtesy and respect to everyone I deal with. For they too are precious only children.
I DON’T THINK MY WAY of approaching cancer is the right way for someone else. It might be. It might not be. That’s not the point. For me, sharing is the point.
I BELIEVE WE READ so that we will not feel alone, and I believe I write to find the readers who need to know they are not alone. Ever.
You are blessed. Be a blessing.
posted by Chronic Hope at 4:28 PM
2 Comments:
I just wanted to thank you for your Chronic Hope blog. It is the only blog I read. You have such wisdom -- especially in your most recent posting. You are blessing every one of us who reads it. I hope you recover and have many more years to share your wisdom with others.
Thank you again. You would be surprise how often I've printed out your blog posting and taken it to someone in the hospital. You're a blessing to more than you will ever know.
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