PLAN? WHAT PLAN?

I’VE OFTEN WONDERED WHAT GOD HAS PLANNED FOR ME. He’s not been all that willing to bring me into His secret. If there is a playbook, I haven’t found a way to open it . . . although I’ve prayed long and often to be enlightened. And now, in the midst of this stupid disease, I have to fight the despair of thinking it is too late by remembering that the plan, whatever it is, is not up to me. My job is to show up ready to participate.

OVER THE YEARS I’ve mistaken my own desires for His call several times.

IN COLLEGE I THOUGHT I was meant to bring order from chaos, and I became the best accountant I knew how to be. After twenty years, I gave in to frustration and took up financial planning. The second career fared no better than the first.

BEING AN IDEAL PARENT was as dismal a failure. If asked, my child and stepchildren would quickly point I made as many mistakes as anyone can.

LATER I HONED MY SKILLS as a writer, confident that MY message was important enough to gain the attention of the reading public. This proved false.

WITH EACH OF THESE I WAS CONFIDENT I had at last answered the call; I had been made privy to the plan. But, I was only listening to my own ego beckoning me to a course of action that it hoped would bring me recognition.

TODAY I SIMPLY SHOW UP and pray that God will use me as He sees fit. I measure success or failure in terms of how useful I’ve been. And, although I hate to admit this, it is the only time in my life I’ve felt job satisfaction.

BUT, I STILL DON’T HAVE A PLAN. I still don’t know what I’m supposed to do. God hasn’t let me know how I can please Him most. I’m in the dark, grateful to be useful when I am, happy to be part of whatever comes my way that needs doing.

IT’S A RUDDERLESS EXISTENCE—a bit hard for a Type A personality like me to swallow. But, it keeps my ego where it belongs and it keeps me on the watch for a chance to serve.

MAYBE THAT’S EXACTLY where a hard-charger like me needs to be. After all, if I knew what was in the playbook, as soon as it was opened I’m sure I’d begin lobbying to change it!

You’re blessed. Be a blessing!

WE HAVE A ROLE.

GOD MAY CHANGE HIS MIND AT TIMES, but one thing that never changes is His love for us. We may look in a three-way mirror and be disappointed by the reflection, but God sees someone He adores.

THAT BEARS REPEATING. Each of us is God’s favorite. He loves each of us as though we were his only child. Unbound by time, He gives us His undivided attention all day long.

HE CREATED US IN HIS IMAGE WITH A JOB IN MIND. Even before the fall, Adam had his work cut out. We are aides and assistants in accomplishing His plan. C. S. Lewis explained that it is as if God were a playwright who left the minor roles up to the actors themselves. And we fumble around with our parts, messing them up and trying His patience. We’re like a kid with training wheels, even when we say yes to what God asks of us.

I ONCE SEARCHED FOR MY CALLING. What is it I was supposed to do, I wondered. And while I tried to figure it out, I was miserable. And not very useful. But, when I accepted that God has chosen what He wants me to do, I realized all I have to do is show up and be willing. He’ll point it out soon enough.

I DON’T WORRY. God will make use of what happens. I want to be a part of what He has planned, and I can’t do that when my own agenda seems more important.

AS FRUSTRATING AS MY DECISION to “just show up” has been at times, I have been amazed at what I’ve managed to attend to. (Not alone, of course.) Looking back for a moment, I have a sense of accomplishment and joy—even when my own TO DO LIST has a few items left on it.

AND IN MY TYPE-A rushing-around-to-get-everything-done past, I missed out on that feeling altogether.

You’re blessed. Be a blessing!