PLAN? WHAT PLAN?
I’VE OFTEN WONDERED WHAT GOD HAS PLANNED FOR ME. He’s not been all that willing to bring me into His secret. If there is a playbook, I haven’t found a way to open it . . . although I’ve prayed long and often to be enlightened. And now, in the midst of this stupid disease, I have to fight the despair of thinking it is too late by remembering that the plan, whatever it is, is not up to me. My job is to show up ready to participate.
OVER THE YEARS I’ve mistaken my own desires for His call several times.
IN COLLEGE I THOUGHT I was meant to bring order from chaos, and I became the best accountant I knew how to be. After twenty years, I gave in to frustration and took up financial planning. The second career fared no better than the first.
BEING AN IDEAL PARENT was as dismal a failure. If asked, my child and stepchildren would quickly point I made as many mistakes as anyone can.
LATER I HONED MY SKILLS as a writer, confident that MY message was important enough to gain the attention of the reading public. This proved false.
WITH EACH OF THESE I WAS CONFIDENT I had at last answered the call; I had been made privy to the plan. But, I was only listening to my own ego beckoning me to a course of action that it hoped would bring me recognition.
TODAY I SIMPLY SHOW UP and pray that God will use me as He sees fit. I measure success or failure in terms of how useful I’ve been. And, although I hate to admit this, it is the only time in my life I’ve felt job satisfaction.
BUT, I STILL DON’T HAVE A PLAN. I still don’t know what I’m supposed to do. God hasn’t let me know how I can please Him most. I’m in the dark, grateful to be useful when I am, happy to be part of whatever comes my way that needs doing.
IT’S A RUDDERLESS EXISTENCE—a bit hard for a Type A personality like me to swallow. But, it keeps my ego where it belongs and it keeps me on the watch for a chance to serve.
MAYBE THAT’S EXACTLY where a hard-charger like me needs to be. After all, if I knew what was in the playbook, as soon as it was opened I’m sure I’d begin lobbying to change it!
You’re blessed. Be a blessing!
OVER THE YEARS I’ve mistaken my own desires for His call several times.
IN COLLEGE I THOUGHT I was meant to bring order from chaos, and I became the best accountant I knew how to be. After twenty years, I gave in to frustration and took up financial planning. The second career fared no better than the first.
BEING AN IDEAL PARENT was as dismal a failure. If asked, my child and stepchildren would quickly point I made as many mistakes as anyone can.
LATER I HONED MY SKILLS as a writer, confident that MY message was important enough to gain the attention of the reading public. This proved false.
WITH EACH OF THESE I WAS CONFIDENT I had at last answered the call; I had been made privy to the plan. But, I was only listening to my own ego beckoning me to a course of action that it hoped would bring me recognition.
TODAY I SIMPLY SHOW UP and pray that God will use me as He sees fit. I measure success or failure in terms of how useful I’ve been. And, although I hate to admit this, it is the only time in my life I’ve felt job satisfaction.
BUT, I STILL DON’T HAVE A PLAN. I still don’t know what I’m supposed to do. God hasn’t let me know how I can please Him most. I’m in the dark, grateful to be useful when I am, happy to be part of whatever comes my way that needs doing.
IT’S A RUDDERLESS EXISTENCE—a bit hard for a Type A personality like me to swallow. But, it keeps my ego where it belongs and it keeps me on the watch for a chance to serve.
MAYBE THAT’S EXACTLY where a hard-charger like me needs to be. After all, if I knew what was in the playbook, as soon as it was opened I’m sure I’d begin lobbying to change it!
You’re blessed. Be a blessing!
Labels: accountant, author, career, financial planner, God's plan, parent, playbook, show up
posted by Chronic Hope at 6:04 PM
2 Comments:
I think your clients (from when you were an accountant and financial planner), and your peers (from the years with thanksless children), and your employees (who had high values) would disagree about your success rate. Perhaps your standards are just less merciful than God's? Oh, and the writing thing... you write/wrote wonderfully.... There was a marketing mystery that clearly neither of us fully understand.
Alexander Pope finished his Ode to Man with, "Whatever is...is Right" For a long while that was my attitude until I realized that whatever "is" is not always right, but might be the first step or the tool to get to the "Right" thing for each of us.
One has to wake up conscious that part of God's plan is to see what we do with what he puts before us. ...and what we learn when we stumble.
Your writing always has great insight! :)
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