Stress Buster #1: Forgiveness—and Ice Cream

DURING THE LAST FEW MONTHS I’ve mentioned how harmful stress is to all of us—especially those with an illness. If our bodies are busy figuring out whether to fight or flee, they aren’t busy healing.

LUCKILY, CHRISTIANS HAVE the advantage when it comes to relieving stress. The Bible gives us the tools, and the first of these is forgiveness. For me, it continues to be the hardest to learn.

A GRUDGE IS A BITTER BURDEN. Keeping track of how I’ve been wronged—and by whom—can eat up my day. Whenever I catch myself, like Hamlet, acknowledging the “slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,” I remember Janet.

WE WERE BEST FRIENDS in the weeks just before John Kennedy was assassinated. She was a striking beauty, tall and willowy, and, unfortunately, I was not. Our friendship was based mostly on my willingness to listen to her talk about a popular and handsome young man named Stan.

ONE AFTERNOON while Janet was rehearsing with the drill team I hadn’t been talented enough to qualify for, Stan sat beside me on the bus. I was thrilled and happy to listen to him speak of Janet the several blocks to his stop. He was going to ask her to Homecoming. I wasn’t to say anything. He made me promise. I would’ve promised him anything.

THE NEXT AFTERNOON Janet got on the bus at the corner near the school where the drill team had gathered. She said good bye to her snobby teammates and got on the bus carrying an ice cream cone. I scooted over for her to join me. But instead of sitting down, she smashed the ice cream into my face. “This is for talking to Stan,” she said. I can still taste the strawberries.

THE CONE FELL onto the stack of books in my lap. The passengers settled into an uncomfortable silence. I suppose they were waiting to see what I would do. I did nothing but knock the cone to the floor and take a tissue to my face.

WHEN WE EXITED AT OUR STOP, Janet ran ahead. I called after her that Stan and I had been talking about HER, but she tossed her magnificent mane of chestnut hair and climbed the steps to her porch.

LATER SHE APOLOGIZED, but my family moved in early spring before I forgave her. The friendship was ruined, of course, but worse than that, the resentment I harbored bled into future relationships. Had I admitted my own culpability, I would’ve had more friends. But as it was, I couldn’t give up the expectation that another ice-cream-cone moment was in the offing.

FORGIVENESS WOULD HAVE HEALED ME, but I didn’t understand that. I thought being right was more important. Now I know that Janet and I were both wrong. I shouldn’t have spoken with the very attractive Stan, shouldn’t have been so envious, and she should have kept her ice cream cone holstered.

FOR ME, MOST OF THE TIME, the biggest benefit of forgiveness is forgiving myself.

You’re blessed. Be a blessing!