LODGING A COMPLAINT

SINCE MID-DECEMBER I’ve been on a roller coaster ride. Strapped in with the disease I try to ignore, there have been times when I’ve had to remind myself that despair is one of the most deadly of temptations . . . and other times when I’ve boldly reminded God of His promises—although I’ll admit to looking for nearby thunderclouds before I began.

I’VE HAD TWO SURGERIES; two incorrect biopsies; one misread sonogram; an alarming PET scan that later proved to be only that—alarming (not a fair depiction); the last of my “injectible” veins blown; and two scary moments when I was afraid I’d be removed from the clinical trial that I’d had to convince the researchers to accept me for! And did I mention experiencing so much tumor pain I’m medicated more than my thought processes like?

THE ANXIETY AND MINOR MISERIES of three scans and multiple major blood draws during this same time frame would have made me sick if I hadn’t already been.

USING THE PSALMS AND JOB as my guideline, I understand that my relationship with God is to be based on honesty. So, I can honestly say I haven’t been happy with how things have been going lately.

I’M NOT UNGRATEFUL; I am fully aware that things could be much worse. But, in the interest of being forthright—and I’m not certain anyone but God would remain on friendly terms with me if I were to be up front with all my feelings all the time—I’m lodging a complaint. I believe our relationship can withstand it. He can’t be deceived. He knows how I feel even before I complain.

THAT’S THE POINT, isn’t it? Other religions have at their center gods who demand appeasement. That’s not our God. He seeks relationship with us. And that includes our blunt, in-His-face, this-is-how-I-see-it opinions.

HIS IS THE MOST INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP I can ever have. He wants to be a part of my life at all times—whether they are the nice or the not-so-nice ones. And that takes honesty on my part.

AFTER ALL, I can’t fool God about how I feel. I can only fool myself.

You’re blessed. Be a blessing!

THE LENTEN STRETCH

LENT BEGINS WEDNESDAY, and, for me, it’s the true season of making resolutions . . . of trying to become what God would have me be . . . of remembering that who I am is a gift from God and that who I become is my gift to God.

MY DEAR COUSIN reminded me of one of the great resolutions, attributed to Reinhold Niebuhr who used it in a sermon in the 1940’s. It has held up well. I’ve reproduced it here in its entirety.

THE SERENITY PRAYER

GOD, grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time; enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardship as the pathway to peace.
Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is,
Not as I would have it.
Trusting that He will make all things right if
I will surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life,
And supremely happy with Him forever in the next.
Amen

BLESSINGS during what I hope will be a season of growth for us all.

You’re blessed. Be a blessing!

FORGET THE WHALE.

THE OTHER DAY I met a little boy named Jonah. He was a sweet child, which made me question his parents’ biblical scholarship. (Perhaps they’d just been caught up in the recent “J” fever that seems to have infected young parents lately and they ran out of options.) Then, out of the blue, my husband asked me about the significance of Nineveh.

BECAUSE OF THAT, I feel the nudge to talk about Jonah.

GOD WANTED JONAH to go to Nineveh and warn the inhabitants about what He had planned for them and their evil ways. It wasn’t going to be pretty.

NOW NINEVAH WAS THE CAPITAL OF ASSYRIA, and Assyrians were the mortal enemy of the people Jonah came from. Jonah decided he’d rather risk a sea journey (most desert people were terrified of the ocean) than warn a people he loathed and sincerely hoped God would wipe off the face of the earth.

THIS IS WHERE THE FISH INCIDENT COMES IN. Usually everything stops here while a heated discussion about the fish ensues. But, there’s something much more important to the story.

WHEN JONAH REACHED DRY LAND, he’d learned his lesson. He headed for Ninevah. It was such a huge city, it took him three days of preaching to cross it.

TO HIS SURPRISE, the Assyrians listened to him. They believed his message. Even the king heard it. They fasted; they sat in the dirt; they wore burlap. They all REPENTED and became people of faith.

AND GOD CHANGED HIS MIND about punishing them. He heard their prayers and spared them.

JONAH WAS FURIOUS! Why? Because God is merciful; abounding in love and grace; slow to anger; quick to forgive. And those rotten Assyrians didn’t deserve that. They deserved the calamity previously planned. That was what Jonah endorsed.

HE STOMPED OUT TO THE DESERT to sulk. God had not acted according to the plan.

AS FOR ME, I’m glad those old Assyrians didn’t get what they deserved.

I’M GLAD GOD CHANGED HIS MIND . . . because it gives me hope that I can be forgiven and spared as well.

You’re blessed. Be a blessing!

YEAH? WHO’S NOT A ‘FRAIDY CAT?

THE OPPOSITE OF FAITH ISN’T DOUBT, as I once believed, it’s fear. That condition that causes all the blood to flow to my big flight-or-fight muscles tells me that I don’t believe God will keep me safe in the lion’s den. It’s the acid test I’ve failed more than I’ve passed.

PUT ME IN THE PASSENGER SEAT with a daredevil at the wheel of a powerful car, and I forget everything except getting out at the first stop light. Self-preservation—that singular quality that Christ did not value—takes over and leaves little room for much else.

I CAN LIST DOZENS OF ANXIETY-PRODUCERS: the treatments I undergo every other week; being removed from the treatments I’d like to continue having anxiety about every other week; an unexpected knock at the front door at night; tiny dark places—like PET scans—where I have to remain still far too long; surgery of any kind; high open places; bullies; and stairwells in tall buildings that smell of smoke. The list goes on and on.

I’M NOT PROUD of how often I’m afraid—or of what that says about my faith. But, I am in good company. Joshua, Gideon, the tribes of Judah, Ahaz, Isaiah, Ezekiel, Daniel, Jerusalem, and nearly everyone in the Bible who was greeted by an angel needed reassurance.

IT’S NO EXCUSE. In fact, considering what it took to frighten them I have lots of room for improvement. Lots of room to build my faith. It keeps me humble. It keeps me praying for increased faith.

AND MAYBE THAT’S WHAT FEAR is supposed to do.

You’re blessed. Be a blessing.